Animal Premises and Stables

[PhilB]

A duck , a cow and an horse walk into a hotel......and up the stairs apparently.

The horse, called Eric looks through the vision panel and sees the duck and cow deep in conversation.

Luckily there is a 500mm gap between the partition and the ceiling so the horse can hear the conversation.

"Don't you worry about this mad cow's disease?" asks the Duck.

"It doesn't affect me, cos Im a teapot" says the cow.

"Really?" says the Duck......" that's a stroke of luck perhaps you could help me write the new CLG Guide for Ponds & Rock Pools, I hear they pay well"

[nearlythere]

A horse, or was it a cow, goes to Paris for the weekend and stays on the 6th floor of a hotel. He decides to go out for the evening and has a shower. When he comes out he reaches into his bag for his antiperspirant and discovers he forgot to pack it. Deciding he could not possibly go out smelling like a pig he gallops down the stairs, out into the street and bolts into the nearest chemist.
He asks the man behind the counter for some antiperspirant.
The man says "Certainment Monseur, Le Ball ou le Aerosol"?
"Have you any for under the arms"? replied the horse.

[BB]

Must say this P.C. brigade is going mad they are now having to cater (or is it canter) for the needs of animals.carpeting the staircases See Page 28, figure 6 new guidance.

Looking to give our guys some training on the new guides looking for a suitable venue to have an awHAY day!!!!!

[PhilB]

I expect the horses were staying in the bridle-suite?

[jokar]

I came home this evening and had to eat my dinner off of the floor in the bedroom.  When I asked why I could not eat where we used to my wife said she had read the new guide and the s table was in a bedroom.

[kurnal]

A foursome was on the last hole and when the last golfer drove off the tee he hooked into a cow pasture. He advised his friends to play through and he would meet them at the clubhouse. They followed the plan and waited for their friend.

After a considerable time he appeared disheveled, bloody, and badly beaten up. They all wanted to know what happened.

He explained that he went over to the cow pasture but could not find his ball. He noticed a cow wringing her tail in obvious pain. He went over and lifted her tail and saw a golf ball solidly embedded. It was a yellow ball so he knew it was not his.

A woman comes out of the bushes apparently searching for her lost golf ball. The helpful male golfer lifted the cow's tail and asked, "Does this look like yours?"

That was the last thing he could remember.

[BB]

I came home this evening and had to eat my dinner off of the floor in the bedroom.  When I asked why I could not eat where we used to my wife said she had read the new guide and the s table was in a bedroom.

what did you say jokar nah problem or was your voice alittle hoarse!!!

[PhilB]

A man walks into a hotel bedroom with a sheep under his arm and says "this is the pig I have to make love with when you've got a headache!

His wife says " I think you'll find that's a sheep!"

The man says " I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep!"

[Martin Burford]

PhilB
you heard that joke on Talk Sport!!
Conqueror

[PhilB]

No it's much older than that!!

[martyn brandrick]

stew broons influence is already apparent and he not back a month.

[MrH]

please view figure 22 inner rooms
                             27 dead ends

somebody has then decided you must diversify view figure 32

[PhilB]

stew broons influence is already apparent and he not back a month.

No Marty wacky as this is its nothing to do with Stu.....have you seen the guide yet?

[martyn brandrick]

I have just had a look, I knew it was going wrong with the offices guide but this is brilliant.  I love it well done BRE for bringing the smile back to Fire safety :-)

[saddlers]

I like this statement best - "All doors should preferably open in the direction of escape and must do so if more
than 60 people or 20 horses use them" is this not discriminating against cows and sheep? Are the cows and sheep too stupid to use the escape route..... what am I saying how does the horse know to use the escape route!!