I know that you are older and not half as good looking as me, nor do you have my rapier wit and sparkling repartee.
Sadly, if everyone followed common sense there would be no need for enforcement of anything, heavy handed, lighter touch or otherwise.
When I did my post grad degree in fire safety, we were taken to a works in edinburgh (a city of the likes D&G and indeed the rest of the known universe can only wonder at and admire) which had suffered a whacking great fire because, in the course of shot blasting, they needed to heat the air to reduce moisture content and did so with an amateurish little burner with a domestic-style rubber hose, which, surprise surprise got worn, leaked gas and started a fire. "But..." they lamented, "we did it that way for years and there was never a problem".
It was first of 374834774 times I have heard about how there has never been a fire, never had anyone killed until of course they had a fire and sometimes had people killed. The first time I heard it in professional practice was when I recommeded lightning protection for a giant chapel, one of the most architecturally important buildings in Europe (allegedly), and I was told that, ever since King Henry built it, it had never been struck by lightning. Now, as you know, Alan, I am a man of quick thinking and rapier wit, and so I told the assembled committee of highly brilliant academics that, in that case, their time must be just about up and they should get it installed as quickly as possible. All of us in fire safety, Alan, spend our careers listening to people telling us it will never happen until it does. Then we have Draconian legislation that we all refer to as "stable door" legislation because we need to wait for people to die before we impose fire precautions. London Underground had small fires on escalators that they failed to address because they had never got out of control... well until King's Cross.
To be fair, if there is a very large estate of properties with a very large number of nights spent safely, that is a form of risk assessment, based on massive data. However, it goes to the extent of precautions required, rather than leaving premises below the radar of legislation. And think of it this way, Alan, proper hotels have a fantastic fire safety record (well they did until the Penhallow fire), and, statistically, you are much safer in a hotel than a domestic dwelling, which is where around 75-80% of fire deaths occur. So, its true that you are as safe in your wee B&B as you are in a simple domestic dwelling........ sadly that does not say much for your safety.
The princess and I shall, instead, be staying in the five star Caley Hotel, in the city that forms the heart of the known universe and that never ever leaves my own heart, which is a Hilton hotel the likes of which can only be approached by that in Belfast, a city to which I intend to trot off next week possibly for some of the amber nectar. We will, nevertheless, take you up on your generous offer of a complimentary afternoon tea en route.
Ps I never accept a truce, only ignominious defeat.
