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FIRE SERVICE AND GENERAL FIRE SAFETY TOPICS => Fire Safety => Topic started by: PhilB on October 25, 2007, 10:26:13 AM
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A duck , a cow and an horse walk into a hotel......and up the stairs apparently.
The horse, called Eric looks through the vision panel and sees the duck and cow deep in conversation.
Luckily there is a 500mm gap between the partition and the ceiling so the horse can hear the conversation.
"Don't you worry about this mad cow's disease?" asks the Duck.
"It doesn't affect me, cos Im a teapot" says the cow.
"Really?" says the Duck......" that's a stroke of luck perhaps you could help me write the new CLG Guide for Ponds & Rock Pools, I hear they pay well"
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A horse, or was it a cow, goes to Paris for the weekend and stays on the 6th floor of a hotel. He decides to go out for the evening and has a shower. When he comes out he reaches into his bag for his antiperspirant and discovers he forgot to pack it. Deciding he could not possibly go out smelling like a pig he gallops down the stairs, out into the street and bolts into the nearest chemist.
He asks the man behind the counter for some antiperspirant.
The man says "Certainment Monseur, Le Ball ou le Aerosol"?
"Have you any for under the arms"? replied the horse.
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Must say this P.C. brigade is going mad they are now having to cater (or is it canter) for the needs of animals.carpeting the staircases See Page 28, figure 6 new guidance.
Looking to give our guys some training on the new guides looking for a suitable venue to have an awHAY day!!!!!
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I expect the horses were staying in the bridle-suite?
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I came home this evening and had to eat my dinner off of the floor in the bedroom. When I asked why I could not eat where we used to my wife said she had read the new guide and the s table was in a bedroom.
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A foursome was on the last hole and when the last golfer drove off the tee he hooked into a cow pasture. He advised his friends to play through and he would meet them at the clubhouse. They followed the plan and waited for their friend.
After a considerable time he appeared disheveled, bloody, and badly beaten up. They all wanted to know what happened.
He explained that he went over to the cow pasture but could not find his ball. He noticed a cow wringing her tail in obvious pain. He went over and lifted her tail and saw a golf ball solidly embedded. It was a yellow ball so he knew it was not his.
A woman comes out of the bushes apparently searching for her lost golf ball. The helpful male golfer lifted the cow's tail and asked, "Does this look like yours?"
That was the last thing he could remember.
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I came home this evening and had to eat my dinner off of the floor in the bedroom. When I asked why I could not eat where we used to my wife said she had read the new guide and the s table was in a bedroom.
what did you say jokar nah problem or was your voice alittle hoarse!!!
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A man walks into a hotel bedroom with a sheep under his arm and says "this is the pig I have to make love with when you've got a headache!
His wife says " I think you'll find that's a sheep!"
The man says " I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep!"
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PhilB
you heard that joke on Talk Sport!!
Conqueror
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No it's much older than that!!
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stew broons influence is already apparent and he not back a month.
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please view figure 22 inner rooms
27 dead ends
somebody has then decided you must diversify view figure 32
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stew broons influence is already apparent and he not back a month.
No Marty wacky as this is its nothing to do with Stu.....have you seen the guide yet?
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I have just had a look, I knew it was going wrong with the offices guide but this is brilliant. I love it well done BRE for bringing the smile back to Fire safety :-)
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I like this statement best - "All doors should preferably open in the direction of escape and must do so if more
than 60 people or 20 horses use them" is this not discriminating against cows and sheep? Are the cows and sheep too stupid to use the escape route..... what am I saying how does the horse know to use the escape route!!
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I`ve just received my copy via pony express, it occured to me that travel distances in stables should be extended to take into account that horses sleep with their shoes on.
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Just waiting for new signage walking horse on green background etc. Or will we have to wait for an in depth study to determine what signs are best understood by animals?
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I am led to believe that dogs only see in black and white, is this the same for other animals? If so then the ISO standard hammered home to us all recently will have to change to accommodate this.
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Oh my goodness!
Whatever next?
Anyway, must get back to the hamster cage assessment .............
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I bolted - so I take no blame for the recommendation for the closed stable door to be 30 min FR in dead end conditions. Equally I know that cows can't walk down stairs! Hey ho! =D
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I see that we have new signs to go with document
(http://i119.photobucket.com/albums/o128/slubberdegullion2/horsesign.gif)
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Yes nice sign but shouldn't the sign be encouraging the horse to walk and not gallop? Whilst I can see the logic of this sign in a riding establishment surely there is a need for signs for other animal species cows sheep chickens etc.
We need guidance!!! Is a horse acceptable as a generic animal? Definitely this is a decision that requires a parlimentary debate! or a least a ministerial statement!
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With all the discussions on exit signs why are you using the euro sign change it for the BS or ISO sign immediately.
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Just hang a carrot over the door
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Just hang a carrot over the door
It would have to be linked to the AFD so that it (the carrot) would only be in position in the event of fire. If it was hanging over the door all the time, the horse may leave the stable before the fire and that would never do.
:)=)
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Or, by nibbling at the carrot there would be numerous false alarms. "anymore false alarms, and you'll be horse meat" - good deterant
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(http://i119.photobucket.com/albums/o128/slubberdegullion2/fireaction.gif)
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I don't know who started this thread but you chaps are just not taking this seriously!!!!!....Anyway a polar bear walks into a hotel bar and says I'll have a gin....................................................... &........................................................................................................tonic please.
and the barman says "why the big paws?"
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I have been thinking about the people next door, she has a strange voice, I think she is a little hoarse. A pony you say, I wouldn't pay her fifty quid As they are "neigh" bours do you think that the guide applies to their premises. I think I may have to moooove if they find this post.
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Oh my goodness ..... it really has gone downhill!!
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Oh my goodness ..... it really has gone downhill!!
Gone to the dogs.
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My dog resents that remark.
Holy Cow, this is a pig's ear of a discussion. We need some stable-ity, all of us, barnone
Stu
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My dog resents that remark.
Well saying gone to the cats doesn't quite sound right.
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My dog resents that remark.
Holy Cow, this is a pig's ear of a discussion. We need some stable-ity, all of us, barnone
Stu
Where's this bar you can't get barred in then?
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At last - self-closing stable doors. We've been after them for years!
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Are they self closing linked to the fire alarm or are the horses expected to open them first?
I'll bet you'd find some wedges!
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At last - self-closing stable doors. We've been after them for years!
That's got to win first prize!! Well done old boy!
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At last - self-closing stable doors. We've been after them for years!
Help please! Do self closing stable doors have to be bolted?
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Only after the horse has.
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They have spoilt the fun & removed the BULLOCKS etc from the pictures-no its true!, Wonder how they did get them down the stairs? Not that any one would have an electronic copy of course to remind themselves about such a wonderous publication
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Yes ladies and gents, its true!
They removed all the animals on wednesday, perhaps after lots of crittercism from this forum
Maybe one of you out there is a mole???
At least we were kept amoosed for a while.
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What do you mean they removed all the animals?
Has the guide been pulled?
Did the animals jump or were they pushed?
Do they now realise that it was it all a load of bull?
Was it really just a pigs ear of a document?
What do you get when you cross a kangaroo with a sheep?
What goes 99 bump, 99 bump, 99 bump?
What do you get if you have a brown ball in each hand?
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Complete control of Lennox Lewis?
The guide is still there, its just animal-less
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Complete control of Lennox Lewis?
The guide is still there, its just animal-less
Can't quite gets this. You mean we have to now use the Sleeping Accommodation guide for stables?
What ever happened to the animals and stables guide? I thought it was a great comic.
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Some of us have an electronic copy, now kept ofr posterity or is that posterior use.
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I have just checked and it is true, the animals have gone, perhaps they have bolted. Issued without announcement, removed without announcement. Is it 1984, the authors name was the same as the last PM so perhaps its true.
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Proves the means of escape was ok then after all.
Expect they will change the law now the horse has gone.
I thought 1984- and animal farm- were by George Orwell?
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....and lets not forget the advice within guidance that says the provision of a fire alarm sounder may have an adverse affect on animals and cause them to panic - call me old fashioned but guess what fire and smoke in a stable does!!! ooh arrr!
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You have been suckered Kurnal his name was Eric Arthur Blair, George Orwell was his pen name.
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Hook line and sinker TW
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Sorry to have to bring up the Dobbin and Bessie comic again but came across a little problem. Para 2 of 2.2 Manual Call Points says "Break-glass call points are not recommended for buildings containing animals; frangible call points should be used in all areas where animals are likely to be present".
Am I stupid (likely) or maybe it is the lateness of the day, but am I looking at a contradiction?
Can someone point me in the direction of something I can't see?
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Possibly being equally stupid here but is it making a distinction between call points that actually have glass in them and those that have a scored piece of plastic which merely snaps and folds slightly when pressed? I guess animals and broken glass don't mix. Maybe.
Stu
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It is poorly described as a break glass call point is by it's very nature frangible.
I would agree they mean to refer to 'resettable' call points with a non glass element.
However, for nearly 30 years 'new', glass based call points have been laminated & scored glass that doesn't fracture - thats why they can be thumb operated (KAC being the main example).
Whoever wrote this is still in the old days of the old Gent & AFA Minerva call points with sheets of normal glass in them and a hammer & chain - I know a lot are still around (mostly without the hammers as they were stolen years ago) though
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I'm the sort who likes to have a reason for anything I ask for. If I inserted that paragraph into a report and they came back asking me to clarify it, I couldn't.
I go with the dangers of broken glass and animals. Would have thought that broken glass could be dangerous to humans too.