Lacors, please explain

[colin todd]

Messey:  I too can tell a few tales just from my one experience. For example, I said that a central heating system should be MAN enough for the job. Well, as you can imagine, I wanted the floor to swallow me up, such was my level of total shame and embarrassment. However, an awfully nice man from E&D gave me cups of tea and counselling to help me recover. He said it absolutely OK to say a system was MAN enough for the job. So I became confused of Surrey, but have never really recovered from the trauma of the whole experience.

By the way what was all this about LFB seving the "great city"? As far as I know Edinburgh is still served by the fine people of Lothian and Borders F&RS. The attendance times for LFB would be too long to get to Edinburgh and they dont have enough water in all the reservoirs in the City for the 45 pumps the Messeys use for a chimney fire.

The plural of Messy(sic) is Messeys. Trust me on this, I am a consultant. Dont worry about why, it just is.

[Midland Retty]

Mr Retty, The Board of the f&rs will be meeting next week to discuss you offensive suggestion that Scottish people are tight. Expect to be suspended without pay until next easter. I once did a course , sorry learning experience, for the Messeys, and told them scottish people are mean, before i realised that the course was being observed by the odd fire safety officer and 5 million equality and diversity people who told me i cant say scottish people are mean. They never did explain to me however why we always let other people go into the pub first. Anyhow, the reason you dont give stale bread to ducks in the midlands is to use it as missiles against the other motorists you insist on carving up and being selfish to in your wee urban motorways.

Firstly - The issue of stale bread as missiles - point taken and you're quite correct. I always keep a loaf handy incase of road rage incidents. One week old hot cross buns however are the best form of ammunition.

Secondly I've been suspended until Easter and I'm a little short of cash. Have you any jobs going?

Thirdly I too have suffered great shame at the hands of our Equality and Diversity dept. I made the cataclismic mistake of pointing out that the running man fire exit sign in their office had fallen down.

They were quick to point out that it was actually a running person, not a running man, and furthermore it might actually be a running lady with short hair and a penchant for mens trousers running for the exit.

My unforgiveable behaviour has not been forgotten and a routine notice was promptly sent round the fire safety team asking all offices to refer to the sign as "evacuating genderless human entity" sign.

To this very day I still get dirty looks from the E&D staff. Must take some stale hot cross buns next time I visit them.

[kurnal]

They were quick to point out that it was actually a running person, not a running man, and furthermore it might actually be a running lady with short hair and a penchant for mens trousers running for the exit.

I must object to the above posting in the strongest possible terms. Are you suggesting that the person featured in the exit signs may be a cross dresser? Do they not manufacture trousers particularly formed and tailored and marketed to meet the needs of female gender?  And  did you not also point out that the colour of such signs do not reflect our diverse ethnic mix?

(and why is it that well tailored garments maunufactured to cover the lower abdomen and legs of the female members of our diverse society  are tailored to accentuate those aspects of the female form that particularly appeal to the eye of the male)

[Davo]

Prof

I always knew you enjoyed the crack
Must be the Bush   mills!!

davo

[colin todd]

Mr Retty, As a staunch christian, I find your use of buns related to the Resurrection of our Lord offensive. I will be making a further complaint. Expect to be suspended for a further period. Alas, we only employ people with sound knowledge of fire safety, so am unable to assist you--cant you get some extra time at your second (or third) jobs? Finally, I have always regarded the sign as a running woman without a skirt. It is the only thing that makes BS 5499 interesting.