Consultants required

[colin todd]

We have vacancies for additional consultants, the work of whom would be mostly (but not solely) FRAs. If anyone is interested or knows of anyone, please contact me.

[Kelsall]

Gizza job!

[colin todd]

Sorry, Kelsall, we dont need salesmen. The expertise of the consulting team sells itself. I believe that Warrington Domestic Appliances may be looking for people to sell TVs if thats any help. They may want a proven record in sales though.

[Kelsall]

I am qualified I am! IFE approved training. I can do fire risk assessments I can Gizza job go on Gizza job.

[colin todd]

Nah, if you joined us we would never know if you could have managed to sell certification to a second taker.

[Mr. P]

Where abouts/ which areas Colin?

[colin todd]

Hi Monsieur P.  We need at least two extra consultants. Open minded as to where, though at least one has to be in south of england.

[Kelsall]

Gizza job! Go on I can do it I can work to SP 205 I can, go on Gizza job, I can work in the south I can work in the north go on Gizza job!

[Bill J]

Dammit, If only I had the ejukation and wasnt just a fire alarm monkey, I would join the boys from the blackstuff in that well known phrase, Gizza Job, I can do that.

[colin todd]

Sorry, Kelsall, we also need people with good interpersonal skills. No, no no no not the job for you I fear.  Did you apply to Warrington Domestic Appliances as I suggested.

[Kelsall]

I treat you with the contempt you deserve but actually I am really good with clients. Go on Gizza job! I can be nice to nice people I can. I can do PAS 79 fire risk assessments I can. I can tick a box go on Gizza job.

[colin todd]

It must be easy to be good with clients when you have only managed to find one for what should be a popular scheme.  Do you think that tells you something. No, I suppose you would not even notice.

Why dont you try NSI.  They are racing ahead with SP 205, and having you as their salesman would give the rest of the CBs a chance to catch up, based on your current sales record.

[Kelsall]

"Good travels at a snails pace" Gandhi

I suppose selling 205 might be fun, I would imagine it would be like selling sweets to children; easy!

Perhaps those at NSI could give me a tip on how to sell a nice healthy salad to the kids in the sweety shop line. I would expect they would suggest I sell sugary treats like they do and give up on the good stuff. 

[colin todd]

I should think that, like ourselves, NSI dont need fancy salesmen like you, because the quality of their technical staff and their product sells itself.  How is your application to Warrington Domestic Appliances doing?  I am looking forward to reading your posts on the Home Entertainment forum, telling the TV industry what a good TV is after 5 minutes at WDA.

PS: Re snails

“The whining schoolboy, with his satchel

And shining morning face, creeping like snail

Unwillingly to school.”

Shakespeare. (But not our Ian)  I cannot be sure, of course, but I am bound to wonder whether Willie S was talking about people who tell the world all about fire risk assessments and how they should be done, never having done one.

[Kelsall]

I don't know where you get the idea about me telling people how to do fire risk assessments comes from! I will leave that to you and the clones you train including 205 assessors, according to someone who has just been assessed by one.

I merely used my many years experience of assessing and evidencing practical competence at degree level to design a system for certification of fire risk assessors. Transferable skills Colin, transferable skills!

I can't believe how two faced you are, you have called the scheme I designed the gold standard in several forums.

I withdraw my Gizza job request, I just couldn't cope with the daily forced worship of the Todd god!

The commandments according to Todd, the Lord of all things fire.

1) thou shalt not worship any false gods, Todd almighty is the one true god and you shall love only him. (He does)
2) thou shalt not covert thy neighbours risk assessment template. PAS 79 is the one gospel.
3) thou shalt not listen to false prophets, they are blasphemous and know not what they talk about.
4) thou shalt not take the piss out of the Todd or ye shall forever feel his wrath.
5) thou shalt vote for the one true most influential person in the IFSEC fire sector awards. Any person not doing so shall be condemned to hell and damnation.

These 5 commandment are available to purchase from BSI  (7 commandments in a couple of years and then 9 and so on and so on and you will have to buy it as its the word of Todd)

Sorry Colin I am in a playful mood this evening!

I think I will brush up my sales skills ; Todd knows I need to!